My take on the Friendships/Love problem

Normally this is not the sort of post you would catch me putting up. Far from it. Matters of "affection" and "love" confuse me more than ever. Again I think I'm under qualified to write this sort of post since I've never been in a situation when I start developing a crush on any of my friends (impossible that is). But since I do happen to have jumped on the Blog-wagon, a friend of mine requested my views on this topic, and I got to work, trying to remember various incidences about those close to me. Friends, family,acquaintances. Even random people you hear about from guys who like to talk about such stuff.

And here comes my inference. Not good. Bad. Very bad. Don't go there. Ever. Of all the examples I thought of, none turned out well. Most ended up messing their friendship, a few still get along, barely, and a very selective number actually had the brains to let their close friend crushes remain crushes and got away with it all unscathed after the "I-have-a-crush-on-her" phase passed. Still, it left it's mark. The thought of possibility still lingers at some distance. Still in sight.

Don't EVER think of considering it. I've seen bros going "I love her dude" and then going full on with their charms and gifts which could have been used for stuff like purchasing a new PlayStation or maybe some other awesome gizmos. I remember this guy from a few years back. Had a HUGE crush on a girl in his class. Kept sending her anonymous gifts every other week with letters. She accepted those gifts and the "anonymous romantic" was the talk. The git then decided to disclose his identity to the girl who replied with a curt ,"I only like you as my friend. Lets stay that way."
Only one time I've seen a guy cry like that. It's not polite, but believe me, the situation was funny. Darn funny. Then later, this same git gets roughed up by a few other guys who had a crush on the same girl. More tears. A sad day for boys all over. We were around 15 then. Yeah. Lesson learnt.

See? Best stay away from such mess. I don't think he spoke to her much after that. The girl didn't seem care much either. Another example is in order. This one of a close friend. Brother like. This time at around 19 years of age. But this guy had brains. He gets invited to a college fest concert by a friend of his. Goes there. Enjoys.

Next day he sends me a text "Dude that girl was looking SO hot!". I was totally confused. She was supposed to be a person who he had recently befriended and ALREADY?! But since he did not want to loose her as a friend, he kept his distance. Smart move. Last I heard he was good friends with her. See? A little thought saved the day. But it was the SAME guy who went onto going steady with another friend he knew. Went on a few dates before she said she didn't want to meet him again. Guy was puzzled. Girl was a sort of a hag. Guy was sad. He was broken. Maybe even now after 6 months still is. Moral of the story : don't mix friendship and affection.

I don't think such things should be pushed. Things happen when they should. Friendship is bigger than anything. Why risk destroying something firm for something that might not exist? I can understand that thoughts can come into the head. We all feel after all. But maybe along friendship with girls is mistaken by most guys? Only experienced can tell and if you ask them, a "buzz off" is the general reply. No. I'm not stupid enough to ask something like that.

Lets all be smart about it. Friendship is the greatest bond. Unless you're sure of the other person's feelings, don't make a move. Drop hints at max. Subtly. Sounds like a bad advice, but then again, that's only my take on things. I've seen too many people get wasted to try anything of the sort. Gotta be cautious. Don't want to loose a friend do you?

Love, betrayal and friendship...my views here.

Earlier this week, a friend of mine updated his blog with a post on long distance relationships. He spoke of how people keep in touch and overcome distance through love, determination and the most awesome thing ever - The Internet. He had a point you know, and I'm not talking about the internet factor here (though it is still awesome). What I speak of here is his focus on "love". He had a valid point in saying that without love, the relationship will not last simply for the fact that there will be no serious relationship stuff to start with. I'm all for that. The definition of love isn't set in stone. For me, love is an unconditional attachment to something or someone. But what I feel is the bitter truth, how does love come to be? Would you love a person who wishes to kill you? Who abuses you? Yeah, some people will say yes, but that is AFTER they have fallen in love with the sadistic partner of theirs. What I speak of is BEFORE. How does it all start? You like something cause of it's use, or it has something that attracts you. Isn't it same with people. You don't FALL into love. You sink into it. Slowly. A time then comes, when your respect for the person exceeds your own. That is what I call love. A point when people are ready to do something for the other person without asking for a return. Mind you, even that has it's limits, so don't become a selfish prick. So until there comes a time when you truly cannot think of hurting the person you like, ever, you can't call it love. At least as I see it.

Another thing I try to cope up with daily is the expression of betrayal. Someone or the other around keeps on ranting about being "betrayed" by a some bloke or other. Especially in cases of (here it comes again) "Love". Cheating boyfriends/girlfriends are something of a common thing now-a-days. I know it must suck big time when a person you care about so deeply goes after someone else and gives them your "love" badge. But people have to realise that it is for the better. If the person didn't care for you enough to be loyal to you, the person here probably doesn't deserve your care. So it's about time you took your care and moved on to greener pastures. It takes getting over, but I feel people make a too bigger deal out of it. If you remember your "mistake" (I'm not calling that person "love", it was an error in judgement of character, get over it) with hearts around, try recalling what you have been through. Surely the cons are greater than the pros. If you can't get over it and call it "unconditional love", then well, you probably like something ALLOT in the person. Try someone else with the same feature. Maybe you'll overcome your episode. See? Simple. Just gotta think straight.

The most precious social emotion is the family feeling , which I will not cover, since I can't imagine explaining it. It's too pure to me. THAT is love in true form. But just in case your family does try to pull something on ya - arranged marriage or something for "your own good"- try telling them what you feel. If in some cases there is a question of family pride, a.k.a ego, involved, well then...best of luck. I'm not into advising anything wrong. But one's life is his own, no one else's. Do what you feel is best.
The last and one emotion I can say I know most about is friendship. Mutual relationships among people which ( I feel) are stronger than any emotion ever. Friendship like love starts mutual, grows onto you, and develops if you nurture it. A true friend will never ask you to do the choosing. He will understand your situation. He will sacrifice. If you want a true friend, you gotta be a true friend. It's not one way ( like a few times in the "love" issue. I call it madness). No betrayal of trust from either side, no lies, jokes...it's a wonderful thing. Something to be felt. If you have a lover who asks you leave a friend, DON'T! To make a person loose a friend is not love. Not by my books. Same goes for a friend who puts his friendship on the line cause you like a person he doesn't. I true friend is rare. Recognise and treasure that person forever.

True love, true friendship are hard to find. Don't let either go cause of selfish people. This is how I see daily emotions. Not complicated. Just sort of over hyped. Thanks for bearing with me. I have the most awesome friends in the world. That I can claim. Hope you do too... :)